"It was a road block, but I've pushed past it."
Lauren Smith 21, student
PTSD and anxiety (diagnosed 2013)
PTSD, or Post-traumatic Stress Disorder, is common to those who experience a near-death experience, witness such an event, or go through other traumatic events such as war, rape, etc. Anxiety can be a general nervousness about everything or it can be towards particular events, depending on the person’s diagnosis.
A little more about my diagnosis:
In the summer of 2012, I was in a very serious car accident. I was passenger in a car and my side was hit directly. I suffered fractures to my neck, back, pelvis; you name it, it was fractured. I had to be rushed to emergency surgery to close a puncture in my spleen that was causing me to bleed out. I do not remember much of the accident or my 5 days spent in Shock Trauma.
That month I was supposed to be going off for my first semester in college in Pennsylvania. Even though most advised me not to go with my injuries, I wanted to go and did. The few months following the accident I did not experience many symptoms other than not liking loud noises or being in large crowds. After my first semester, I chose to come home to Maryland and finish my studies here. Shortly after I started school (in MD), I started experiencing major anxiety driving and other PTSD symptoms. I did not like other people to drive me. I was hyper-vigilant while driving and almost refused to drive in the rain (accident happened while it was raining). I developed a fear of slipping (car slid on the wet roads). I did not like to go out much and really alienated myself from my friends.
Months went by of me struggling to keep myself together while feeling the things I did on a daily basis. I, like most people, figured I could ‘beat’ it and it would work itself out at some point as long as I was strong and hung in. Luckily, my Mom saw my suffering and convinced me to see a therapist. Initially, I was embarrassed to tell anyone that I was going, but as I continued to go and continued to feel better I realized that there was nothing to be embarrassed about. I told all of my friends I was going and made it a goal of mine to tell people that I was going to therapy for PTSD. Knowing how it felt to have a mental illness and the embarrassment and shame, I wanted others who had a mental illness to feel comfortable talking about it with me. In addition, those who think they have a mental illness, but are afraid to talk to others about how they are feeling.
Getting my diagnosis came of no shock to me because I knew how I was feeling. Nothing really changed after I was diagnosed. I continued to go to therapy, which helped tremendously. I started to go out more, drive more and come to peace with what had happened to me. I still experience anxiety while others are driving as well as the day-to-day life anxieties. I go to school full-time, am raising a puppy, and figuring out my future all with my diagnosis. It was a road block, but I have pushed past it and do my best to enjoy life. Having a mental illness does not make you lesser of a person, weird or bad. You are not alone by any means and if you start talking about it, you will find people who are just like you.
